So sayeth one of our co-workers: a saved, born-again, holier-than-thou, bible totin’, scripture quotin’ Christian.
Let’s talk a little about “faith”, shall we?
Here’s the definition, courtesy of Dictionary.com:
Some of you might remember this post:
No matter how you define it, WE HAD FAITH.
Thanks to the few crumbs of hope that were tossed our way by the doctors and surgeons in Columbus, we had faith that our son was in the best possible hands. We had faith that these educated, trained, skilled professionals would do their very best to ensure that our son would have as normal a life as one can have with half a heart. We had faith that we would be bringing him home alive after each of his procedures and surgeries. We had faith that we would get to see Gabriel grow up. We had faith that the variety of “good vibes” being sent his way would prove beneficial. We had faith that we were making the best possible decisions for Gabriel with the knowledge and information we had at the time.
WE HAD FAITH.
Thanks to our Catholic upbringings, we had faith that Gabriel had been given to us for a reason. We had faith that God knew what He was doing by blessing us with a child, albeit a terminally ill child, so late in our lives. We had faith that God would do everything in His power to save this precious life that He had created. We had faith that God was on our side.
WE HAD FAITH.
We had to have faith in order to be able to fight for Gabriel’s life.
Everybody and everything that I had placed my faith in failed to save our son’s life.
Any kind of faith that I had, especially in myself, died along with Gabriel.
My belief in God died along with Gabriel.
HAVING FAITH was NEVER enough to heal Gabriel’s broken heart.
I am sorry.
Whoa! I am appalled that anyone could say something so hateful and wrong to you. Obviously, you guys did everything you could for Gabriel, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and in every other sense. I would guess that blaming the victim is this person’s way of dealing with their own anxieties, but faith can’t protect us from tragedy…in fact, there are several examples of this in the bible!
I started to write and the comment become so lengthy- I try not to judge anyone’s belief or faith – if it works for them so be it..PITY THEY DON’T LET US DO THE SAME… but there are so many inconsistences in “ALL” the religions .”the church” and the bible or at least “what gospels would be allowed in that book ( brought into being Roman Emperor Constantine I in AD 325. ( yeah three hundred and twenty five yars -later) and you can bet politics were involved….. so for this man to preach at you not knowing the pain anguish prayers you prayed and others prayed was far from his “Christian beliefs) and how did he know ‘WHAT FAITH YOU HAD OR HAVEN’T – egotistical sob…. I am angry FOR you just as I am angry that good “Catholic Christians” took away my families closure ……… and still after all the damage they have done the priest and his “flock” get on their knees and pray…… I think I have to write a post…….. I am sick to death of these holier than thous…….
I always try to be respectful of others beliefs, too. I know that I’m the unconventional one when it comes to all this religious stuff. When we came up through the church, we were not encouraged to read the bible. It was more of a “we’ll tell you what’s in there that you need to know” catechism. I vaguely remember the instructors trying to use “Star Wars” to bring stories from the bible to life. I never understood that. Add in a traumatic first confession experience, countless other wtf? experiences, and a few eye-opening Sunday dinners with the parish priest (who drank and smoked in our home!), and you’ve got one very confused Lisa. Once I completed the dad-mandated requirement of being confirmed in the church, I was outta there.
and this comment is turning into another one, too.
What did I get from those endless Tuesday night classes and Sunday masses? I learned that many use their faith and Christian-ness to explain away, excuse, or forgive their bad and/or boorish behavior and that’s supposed to instantly make everything all better. I realized that organized religion was more “Do as i say and not as I do.” than anything else. Why did I need somebody to be the middleman when I wanted to talk to God? Why do I need to be in this building at a specific time on a certain day to talk to God or to get his attention? All the rituals and the ceremonies never made any sense to me, but definitely colored my world and stuck with me to an extent. Maybe I think too logically. After all, even algebra doesn’t make any sense to me. Why do math with the alphabet? But that’s a different post
Bottom line – I know why Gabriel died and so do all of you. I’ll spell it out for those who are new here: CONGENITAL HEART DEFECT, HYPOPLASTIC LEFT HEART SYNDROME. Period. I can usually deal with it when strangers tell me why they think he died (God’s plan, angels needed, blah blah etc.). Smile, nod in polite agreement, thanks and move along quickly, thinking all the while “they have no fucking clue”. This one hurt to the core. Moments like these yank me back to year one day one and hold me there for a little while.
I have been pounding my keyboard but I am not sure that I am making any sense so goodness knows when or if it will be publsihed……. however this is part of my writing this morning
Unless one has lived through the losing of a son or daughter( not even suddenly as with an accident) but the sheer exhaustion of hour after hour day after day night after night and the toll it takes on you physically and emotional as you watch his life fading slipping from your grasp – you have no idea the terrors , questioning , hoping , praying , the deals made with God, the what ifs – why is this happening- am I being punished – what can I do ? I must be to blame somehow doubts that flood your mind as your try to find a ay to hold onto his life. You have no idea that even after death the wounds remain with you every day- you can relive those days in a flash all at once – everything you felt and hoped and dreamed and the utter despair floods in …..
You hedge your bets clinging onto anything that would take away the pain and heal your child as you watch your child die before your eyes the life force slipping away and you are helpless – the most precious being in your life in the hands of strangers
You hope against hope that even if YOU aren’t worthy of compassion or of “God’s benevolence” that one of the (in Chris’s case) literally thousands of people world wide at least “one” would be deserving.
To be told all you had to do was have faith and your child would have lived is the cruelest and despicable and totally “untrue” reasonings and the man should be pilloried …….. and I am so sorry you and Chuck have once again met one of these types…… we have all met them but sometimes these idiots go beyond the pale……… I am so sorry.
I have withheld comment because if I start, I might not be able to stop. Know that those who know and care and love you, know.
Love and hugs,
I can not believe that someone would say that to you. We all have faith that things will be ok and everything will be as it is supposed to be. This person could not know what it is to go through the loss of a child. I feel so sorry that they said that to you.
God is not religion. God is God, sometimes religious beliefs can turn God into something else. I know you had faith, we all did. I had faith too when I my baby died so many years ago, and I still have faith that I know it happened for a reason.
Don’t let this person hurt you, know that you did have faith and still do. Also know that you are loved by your friends and family.
Ann
I am totally shocked that anyone would ever say that…let alone truly believe it. Faith is not what is missing…the medical technology to prevent or cure all congenital heart defects is missing. I have faith that your child is waiting to be born and spend a lifetime with the two of you on earth. You are both wonderful parents and whether or not you have faith, you are still deserving of a child to care for on earth…to be a little brother or sister to Gabe.
God does not prevent all tragety. Faith is what we need when tragedy strikes to help us get through it. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Hello Irene and thank you for visiting our House. Your kind words are appreciated.
I get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. That’s how I’m making it through.
unfortunately, i am not shocked that someone said that to you. over the years, and even as of late, i(or someone in my family)have been on the receiving end of such ill informed, uneducated, unsensitive and unnecessary comments. it never ceases to amaze me how many people like that are out there. having “faith” has never helped us either and as far as prayer, well don’t get me started. my rile is up once again and i am sorry you had to hear that. my heart and love goes out to you now and always.
to say my “faith” is shakey is an understatment…I really liked your comment above (the really long one). When anyone asks me, although noone has been boorish enough to question my faith yet, I tell them I have hope. Maybe not the best answer considering that there will never be a silver lining with a child surviving with half a heart but hope is what I have. Hope that she will have as normal a life as possible, hope that she will not suffer, hope that I can do and find the best for her. I send lots of love and hugs to you.
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